You need more goons! part I

Posted: September 28, 2009 in sports opinion

Ah goons! The glue to a squad or the combustion that blows them apart. Sometimes that can be the one and the same (i.e. Ron Artest, before and after the Brawl).

Many sports bloggers (and commentors) have admitted the necessity of having some goons on the squad. If you look at some past Super Bowl and NBA Finals winners, there is at least one serviceable goon.

The Pittsburgh Steelers:

They are fortunate to have no less than two goons in the person of Hines Ward and James Harrison. Ward gets a special place on any goon list for breakin a cat’s jaw while blocking!

Stank-0 heard from someone who’s boy is trying to make the Steelers team, that Harrison reported said, “I won’t talk to anyone who doesn’t make more money than me except Troy because he’s on that spiritual s**t.” He also reported told one of the rooks to do something way out of pocket, to “see how they would react.” Goon tested, goon approved.

The Los Angeles Lakers:

Sly as it’s kept Lamar Odom is one of those special goons, the kind from the Empire State. Must be something about all those people living in such close proximity that brings the inner gutter to the surface. Odom on more than one occasion has just said somethin to someone and a fight was imminent of breaking out.

Black Mamba himself does not qualify, he’s tryin to hard to be like MJ. You can’t wil’ out on someone when you are tryin to emulate His Airness.

Now they have added prolly the #1 goon in sports, Ron Artest. Son still looks like he would black out on someone if they push him.

Where is Stank-0 goin with this? Good question. After lookin around the NFL post-week 3, Stank-0 has surmised that you can look at a teams’ goon # and tell if they will have future success. It is that simple.

AFC East:

The NY Jets have a certified gangsta in Bart Scott. He soaked the game up from Ray Ray and took it to the Meadowlands.

The Pats have dealt or lost theirs to retirement. Honestly name one on their team that is entering his prime?

Bills? Nope.

Dolphins: Joey Porter. He brought his goon from Pittsburgh.

AFC West:

There really isn’t one in the entire division except for Brandon Marshall and Shawne Merriman. It’s kinda sad actually.

AFC North:

Ravens: They seem to grow goons. There are too many to even list. Most are on the defensive side but they have a few offensive ones as well. It begins with goon Godfather Ray Lewis.

The Bengals overloaded with goons a while back, they are startin just now to recalibrate their goon-to-non-goon number. They were trying to out-goon each other.

Steelers: (see above)

Browns: zilch which is why they are playing so horribly.

AFC South:

Tennessee: Their running backs play with a mean streak, and their D line. Sly as its kept, they have a fair number of goons in Nashville.

Indianapolis: They have a half goon in Dwight Freeney but he doesn’t seem to exude it very well. Coincidentally Bob Sanders was there when they won the Super Bowl.

Jacksonville: No less than two, John Henderson and Reggie Nelson.

Houston: Andre Johnson and he brought it with him from Da U.

Brief aside: Is there a better goon factory than da U? Their output has slowed lately but they have contributed more goons than into the NFL than anyone else. By. Far. Stank-0 is tempted to include USC but their players don’t seem to exude the attitude MIA players do. They act like YOU should be grateful to be on the same field.

Is Stank-0 totally off on this? Also, read Ed’s take on goons as well.

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