Dime-store analysis

Posted: August 27, 2009 in football, NFL, sports opinion

Stank-0 got to thinkin about the Cowboys’ fancy new $25M scoreboard.  You know the one that is probably the biggest HD screen on the planet?  This board may force another level beyond HD because it is so large.  Extreme HD?  Super HD?  Mega HD?  HHD?  (High high def).  Can be seen from anywhere, and is becoming a problem for punters. 

Stank-0, in his analytical self, thought that the scoreboard perfectly represented some things about America. 

  • It is embarrasingly, superfluously huge.  It’s 160 ft long, 90 ft high, and 20 ft wide.  America is expansive, 4th largest country in the world.  With enough room in places, that your closest neighbor is miles away.  
  • It is a display for your senses.  That is quite honestly the largest HD screen in this country.  It might be so clear that you would rather pay $30 to stand in there than sit at home for free.  Two words:  New York. 
  • It is unbelievably expensive.  The exact figure is $1.15B.  That’s billions with a “b.”  Americans spend billions on some pretty frivolous things.  Tickle me Elmo?  New rims on a car?  Cable with more channels than you could possibly watch?  Mickey D’s?  Ab rollers?  Green ketchup?  
  • It’s allegedly in the way.  Punts have hit the structure.  Jerry Jones alleges purposefully.  Just ask the Iranians, Colombians, Russians, Chinese, Arabs, French, Mexicans, etc if Americans don’t get in way.
  • It can be seen from anywhere.  The Boys’ Board (patent pending) can be easily viewed from even the nosebleed seats.  American influence is global, enough said. 

Having said all that, the Boys’ Board has a place in football, as does my country of origin in the world.  Let’s move on.   

Stank-0 was thinking…what if the Madden Challenge championship was held here?  There are probably some electrical issues to overcome but wouldn’t that be disgusting to play for the Madden title in a luxury suite looking at this screen?  Say you wouldn’t want to?  

Jerry you heard it here first.  Stank-0 either wants a piece of the action (15-20% Stank-0 isn’t greedy) or an advance copy of Madden each year and seats to the Madden championship game.  

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